Originally posted on January 31, 2012:
Okay, here we go, second
post.
This week I will be
talking about relationships and what I find to be wrong with them, and what is
right - of course this is all just my opinion.
Let me start out by saying: I have never been in a
relationship. That's right, in my 20 years of life I have never had a boyfriend.
But as far as my opinions go, I find them to be pretty accurate. How? Well, I
"study" other people's relationships.
So you tell me how accurate I
am.
First, do NOT lie to
your partner. I don't care if you're a chick or dude, do not lie. That's worse
than being brutally honest... and being that honest can be pretty hard- go
figure. It's easier to tell the truth than keep up with all of those lies.
Besides, lying is exhausting, and a deal breaker when it comes to relationships.
One thing that most people (I would assume all people, but I might be proven
wrong) look for in relationships is honesty. So lying: a no-no. The smallest lie
isn't a big deal -don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to go and lie
about the little things- but it might turn into telling lies about the bigger
things later on. I understand nobody is perfect, believe me, I do, and people do
make mistakes, but if you're seriously debating with yourself whether to tell
your partner the truth about something, do it. Now earlier I mentioned being
brutally honest is better than lying. It is, really, but it's still a turn off.
You're in a relationship as equals. You don't need to be condescending to your
partner. It's rude and disrespectful. You're there to be with them, not to be
their mother/father.
Trust! That's a big deal. Like... humongous. I watch
all of these reality shows like "The Jeremy Kyle Show" and "Steve Wilkos" and
you see all of these guests who are all, "they cheated on me, I know they did".
Okay, on shows like that, 10 to 1, yeah they probably cheated on you. But in
real life (aka, away from the cameras), you never know. If you have that fear
that they're cheating on you, confront them about it (this goes back to the
lying thing). Remember though, just because you're accusing them doesn't mean
they actually cheated on you. If you have concrete evidence, look into it, don't
get all up in their face about it though. If you're just insecure, talk to your
partner about it. They're there to listen to you; that's a part of being in a
relationship. If your partner comes to you with a concern, don't just brush them
off and call them insecure. Listen to them, because if you don't, someone else
will and you'll lose all that respect. No matter how "lame" you might think it
is. It'll help strengthen your bond. Anyway, trust isn't just about cheating and
not cheating, there are things like keeping secrets and watching each other's
back, etc. Of course, when I hear trust, my mind jumps to cheating-
obviously.
Communication is ESSENTIAL in a relationship. I said
above that you need to listen to your partner. Even the smallest issues can make
or break a relationship. Things can be misunderstood and blown way out of
proportions. Of course, when that happens you know you're going to be screwed
for awhile. Stay with it! Guys, girls (most, not all) want you to grovel
and beg for forgiveness for whatever it was that upset them. Don't. Plain
and simple. You aren't there to baby them. Again, talk it out. You're both
adults, act like it. From what I've seen, guys either give their girls the
silent treatment when the girls have done something to upset them or they go
crazy with rage. Violence (words or otherwise) doesn't solve violence. Girls,
calm them down, but also give them their space. They're like a wounded animal.
Don't get too close or else they'll bite, but don't just leave them alone. I
know some issues can't be resolved and if that's the case, please, move on.
You'll only be making yourself and your partner suffer if you stick with a
relationship that isn't working.
Note: Do NOT ever put your
hands on your partner. Guys aren't supposed to hit girls, but just the same,
we're equal genders. Girls have no business putting their hands on guys.
Communication isn't about getting physical to prove a
point.
Relationships are far from perfect and I know that it
takes a lot to make one work, but if it's worth it, you want to stick with it
right? Fights happen, I get that. Even petty fights. You sit there reading this
and look back on stupid fights that didn't mean anything. Some of you will feel
guilty (maybe) because it's what ended a relationship and some of you will laugh
because you realize how stupid it really was but you and your partner made it
through! Yay! When I say stupid, I mean how you and your partner overreacted,
I'm not saying the one who started the fight is stupid. I think fights, not huge
blowups, are healthy for a relationship. You know when you're really pissed off
you don't hold back on how you feel? It's easier to get feelings out that way,
but then after you're both calmed, talk it out. Yes, back to that. There's no
point in staying mad at each other. Seriously.
I'm going to make a little note here. When I brought up
cheating, I didn't want to preach to you any more than I had. Not that I'm
trying to preach, I'm just trying to give you an outsider's outlook. Anyway,
Guys and girls: stay faithful. Nobody wants a player. That's disrespectful to
your partner and you might think it's cool at the time, but when you get dumped,
it won't be so cool anymore. Nobody wants to be cheated on. That's like saying,
"hey you aren't good enough, let me go find someone else to have on the
sidelines". No, not cool. At all.
Ahh, here we go. Being supportive of your partner. This
seems to be a big issue for some as well. You might not like your partner's
decision, one that could affect your lives or your relationship, but you need to
support them. It goes back to trust. Trust that they'll make the decision that's
best for both of you, as a couple. If they don't... well, it wasn't meant to be
then, but give it a try. Just because you're going one direction doesn't mean
your partner is, but even going opposite directions you can still be together.
It takes work. All relationships do.
I'm just scratching the surface of what a
relationship is, but I hope its an eye-opener for some of you (Another
note: Once thinking about it, this isn't just for relationships, this can be
with anyone you're with. Friends, family, etc.).
The last one. Love. You shouldn't be in a relationship for
convenience. You need to love your partner (or if you're just starting out or
haven't gotten to love yet, like them, as more than a friend). Love is looking
passed all of your partner's flaws and forgiving them when they mess up (not
anything big like continuous cheating, you deserve more respect than that). Love
is about looking passed the surface and looking into their hearts. It's knowing
that they're the one and that when you look into their eyes you can see your
future together. Love isn't something that can be explained. You have to feel
it.
This was all about emotions, though I'm sure you can
add them to a physical perspective of a relationship. There is a physical side
of a relationship, but I'm not going to really touch that. All I can say is do
what you think is right and what you're comfortable with. Don't let anyone push
you into doing something that you aren't ready for (they just want some action,
that isn't love - if they loved you, they'd wait).
I
hope this will all help you in the future, or at least make you think about what
you have and/or what you want.
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