Originally posted on February 23, 2012. After this,we're all up to date. :)
There is this wonderful thing floating around on the internet and I'm here to
voice my opinion
on this. Now, what I'm saying isn't right or wrong, but how I feel.
Just
so you aren't behind, I'm going to be posting a link. If you want to see the
guys perspective on it, look. If you don't, well, just follow me.
1:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things
Here we go (side/random note: When I say this, I think of Peter
Pan).
1: Know how to make you smile when you are
down:
Okay, when I see this, I see things like making a joke to take
our mind off of whatever is making us feel down. I'm not saying you have to go
and be macho man on us and threaten to beat some ass (if it's a person who is
upsetting us(though on some occasions, it' is acceptable)), but make a
distraction for us. If we really want to feel better and get out of our little
pity party (yes, we are occasionally entitled to those), we'll let you distract
us.
2: Try to secretly smell your hair, but you
always notice:
I don't want a dog smelling my hair, let alone a guy.
No, just no. That's weird on so many levels I can't even begin to tell you. What
is that; some sort of hair fetish? There's no reason to be smelling someone's
hair, unless we ask you to (though I don't know why we would, but to each their
own), don't do it.
3: Stick up for you, but
still respect your independence:
I don't really have much to say about
this. It's pretty self explanatory. Perfect guys don't have to be the only ones
who do this: Gentlemen can too.
4: Give you the
remote control during the game:
I'm sorry, but even perfect guys
wouldn't do that. I can understand this, I can. Guys need to do guy things,
which is watching the big game on TV. I'm not being stereotypical or sexist in
thinking girls can't like that too, but if that were the case, this wouldn't
even be an issue. Girls, go pick up a book... or get on Facebook; Youtube even.
You have plenty of things to keep you distracted for a few hours.
5: Come up behind you and put his arms around
you:
There is a time and place boys. A time and place. Don't get me
wrong, it's charming and romantic, but we (or I) would NOT appreciate that all
the time. Personal space. If it's being romantic and spontaneous (again,
in the right moment), it's really appreciated, but other than that, don't do it.
Oh.. don't even dare do it if it's a territorial move. We are not
possessions.
6: Play with your
hair:
Sure, I'm all for that... if you want me to pass out on you. Not
every girl likes to have their hair touched. In fact, I hate people touching my
hair. That's why it's almost always up, so nobody has the urge to reach out and
touch it. *Shudders* Just, no. Unless, you know, you're married and your just
all lovey-dovey with your wife and wanting her to relax before bed- that's
cool.
7: His hands always find
yours:
Umm, again, there is a right time and a right place. For
example: It's scorching hot outside and both of your hands are sticky and
sweating. Not a right time or place. I'm just saying. Other than that, holding
hands is cute.
8: Be cute when he really wants
something:
No, just no. When I first read that, "WTF" popped into my
head.
9: Offer you plenty of
massages:
Eh, for some girls, this is a really pleasant thing, but for
me, no. Unless I'm in desperate need of one, but if I do, I can just go find
someone who does it for a living. I don't need my "perfect guy" to have his
hands on me all the time. Now, if on that rare occasion they want to give me a
massage, I'm totally down for that (again- if I need it). Personal space.
--Aside from that, I'm super ticklish, so I just can't have massages.
*laughs*
10: Dance with you, even if he feels
like a dork:
This is cute, no lie. For me, I think I would enjoy if a
guy would dance with me, at least a couple of times a year (at least). I'm not
one to make a spectacle of someone when they're uncomfortable. I'd be happy if
we danced in either or our living rooms. I mean, it's three freaking minutes of
your life. If you seriously like your partner, I'm sure you can find a way to
dance with her without looking/feeling like a dork (you can take my living room
idea).
11: Never run out of love:
In a
perfect
world, this would be a yes, but it isn't, so no one, man or woman, can
really say this won't ever happen. It's a nice thought though, just not
realistic.
12: Be funny, but know when to be
serious:
Yes. Absolutely yes. It's either this or royally piss a chick
off. I don't think this is asking too much, to an extent of course. Just be
considerate.
13: Realize he's being funny when
he needs to be serious:
Look at number 12.
14: Be patient when you take forever:
That's asking too
much. You're wasting their time, pick up the pace ladies. Some guys don't care
how long girls take, but others do. Consideration works both ways.
15:
React so cutely when you hit him and it actually
hurts:
No. Not just a "just no", a HELL NO! Gender equality and all
that. You hit a guy and I wouldn't complain if they smacked you upside the head.
I'm not saying they have the right to punch you in the face if lightly smack
them, but don't expect guys to just let you smack them around.
16: Smile a lot:
This really just depends on the
person. Obviously you don't need to smile 24/7, but smiling when you feel happy,
that's okay. Not those dopey grins though. That's just creepy.
17: Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't
normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to
you:
Really, it just depends on the girl. As for me, no. I'm not one
who likes people to go all out. Guys should do things that they both like to do,
not just what the woman likes to do, unless it's something really important like
an anniversary or something.
18: Appreciate
you:
Yes. And woman should appreciate men as well. Like I said, it
goes both way.
19: Help other
out:
Common courtesy people. That shouldn't have to be about "perfect
guys". It's just a nice thing to do. Good karma and all that.
20: Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1:
Eh, I'm not
too keen on that, unless it's for a really big reason. I mean, it just doesn't
seem worth it, realistically speaking.
21:
Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each other's company,
even when his friends are watching:
Again, this has nothing to do
with the "perfect guy", it just means he cares. It's a sweet gesture. Guys who
think those guys are "pussy whipped"... there's a reason you don't have a
girlfriend, or can't have a long lasting relationship.
22: Sing, even if he can't:
Please, for the love of
everything good and beautiful- DON'T. That's not sweet; it's not romantic. Don't
do it. If you can't carry a tune, please, find something else.
23: Have a creative sense of humor:
Sure, go for it. I
can't really say anything about this.
24: Stare
at you:
Creeper.
... Seriously, please don't stare at someone.
It makes them uncomfortable.
25: Call for no
reason:
I'm not really keen on this either. If you don't have a reason
to call, then you probably have nothing to talk about. I didn't pick up the
phone just to hear you breathe.
26: Quit
smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - Just because he loves you that much to
quit:
If you don't want to date someone who does any of that, DON'T
DATE THEM! Hello, common sense knocking at your door. On a personal note, I
don't care as long as they don't do it about me. I can't control someone else
like that.
I'm not really sure who the heck thought up these things. Some
of these were acceptable, while others were over the top. I'm not into "perfect
men", I'm into a man that's perfect for me. There's a difference.
Update:
I'd also like to mention, these are my viewpoints as a single woman and are
subject to change... if they do, it won't be that much. As a whole, my opinion
stays the same.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
A Relationship's Value
Originally posted on January 31, 2012:
Okay, here we go, second post.
This week I will be talking about relationships and what I find to be wrong with them, and what is right - of course this is all just my opinion.
Let me start out by saying: I have never been in a relationship. That's right, in my 20 years of life I have never had a boyfriend. But as far as my opinions go, I find them to be pretty accurate. How? Well, I "study" other people's relationships.
So you tell me how accurate I am.
First, do NOT lie to your partner. I don't care if you're a chick or dude, do not lie. That's worse than being brutally honest... and being that honest can be pretty hard- go figure. It's easier to tell the truth than keep up with all of those lies. Besides, lying is exhausting, and a deal breaker when it comes to relationships. One thing that most people (I would assume all people, but I might be proven wrong) look for in relationships is honesty. So lying: a no-no. The smallest lie isn't a big deal -don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to go and lie about the little things- but it might turn into telling lies about the bigger things later on. I understand nobody is perfect, believe me, I do, and people do make mistakes, but if you're seriously debating with yourself whether to tell your partner the truth about something, do it. Now earlier I mentioned being brutally honest is better than lying. It is, really, but it's still a turn off. You're in a relationship as equals. You don't need to be condescending to your partner. It's rude and disrespectful. You're there to be with them, not to be their mother/father.
Trust! That's a big deal. Like... humongous. I watch all of these reality shows like "The Jeremy Kyle Show" and "Steve Wilkos" and you see all of these guests who are all, "they cheated on me, I know they did". Okay, on shows like that, 10 to 1, yeah they probably cheated on you. But in real life (aka, away from the cameras), you never know. If you have that fear that they're cheating on you, confront them about it (this goes back to the lying thing). Remember though, just because you're accusing them doesn't mean they actually cheated on you. If you have concrete evidence, look into it, don't get all up in their face about it though. If you're just insecure, talk to your partner about it. They're there to listen to you; that's a part of being in a relationship. If your partner comes to you with a concern, don't just brush them off and call them insecure. Listen to them, because if you don't, someone else will and you'll lose all that respect. No matter how "lame" you might think it is. It'll help strengthen your bond. Anyway, trust isn't just about cheating and not cheating, there are things like keeping secrets and watching each other's back, etc. Of course, when I hear trust, my mind jumps to cheating- obviously.
Communication is ESSENTIAL in a relationship. I said above that you need to listen to your partner. Even the smallest issues can make or break a relationship. Things can be misunderstood and blown way out of proportions. Of course, when that happens you know you're going to be screwed for awhile. Stay with it! Guys, girls (most, not all) want you to grovel and beg for forgiveness for whatever it was that upset them. Don't. Plain and simple. You aren't there to baby them. Again, talk it out. You're both adults, act like it. From what I've seen, guys either give their girls the silent treatment when the girls have done something to upset them or they go crazy with rage. Violence (words or otherwise) doesn't solve violence. Girls, calm them down, but also give them their space. They're like a wounded animal. Don't get too close or else they'll bite, but don't just leave them alone. I know some issues can't be resolved and if that's the case, please, move on. You'll only be making yourself and your partner suffer if you stick with a relationship that isn't working.
Note: Do NOT ever put your hands on your partner. Guys aren't supposed to hit girls, but just the same, we're equal genders. Girls have no business putting their hands on guys. Communication isn't about getting physical to prove a point.
Relationships are far from perfect and I know that it takes a lot to make one work, but if it's worth it, you want to stick with it right? Fights happen, I get that. Even petty fights. You sit there reading this and look back on stupid fights that didn't mean anything. Some of you will feel guilty (maybe) because it's what ended a relationship and some of you will laugh because you realize how stupid it really was but you and your partner made it through! Yay! When I say stupid, I mean how you and your partner overreacted, I'm not saying the one who started the fight is stupid. I think fights, not huge blowups, are healthy for a relationship. You know when you're really pissed off you don't hold back on how you feel? It's easier to get feelings out that way, but then after you're both calmed, talk it out. Yes, back to that. There's no point in staying mad at each other. Seriously.
I'm going to make a little note here. When I brought up cheating, I didn't want to preach to you any more than I had. Not that I'm trying to preach, I'm just trying to give you an outsider's outlook. Anyway, Guys and girls: stay faithful. Nobody wants a player. That's disrespectful to your partner and you might think it's cool at the time, but when you get dumped, it won't be so cool anymore. Nobody wants to be cheated on. That's like saying, "hey you aren't good enough, let me go find someone else to have on the sidelines". No, not cool. At all.
Ahh, here we go. Being supportive of your partner. This seems to be a big issue for some as well. You might not like your partner's decision, one that could affect your lives or your relationship, but you need to support them. It goes back to trust. Trust that they'll make the decision that's best for both of you, as a couple. If they don't... well, it wasn't meant to be then, but give it a try. Just because you're going one direction doesn't mean your partner is, but even going opposite directions you can still be together. It takes work. All relationships do.
I'm just scratching the surface of what a relationship is, but I hope its an eye-opener for some of you (Another note: Once thinking about it, this isn't just for relationships, this can be with anyone you're with. Friends, family, etc.).
The last one. Love. You shouldn't be in a relationship for convenience. You need to love your partner (or if you're just starting out or haven't gotten to love yet, like them, as more than a friend). Love is looking passed all of your partner's flaws and forgiving them when they mess up (not anything big like continuous cheating, you deserve more respect than that). Love is about looking passed the surface and looking into their hearts. It's knowing that they're the one and that when you look into their eyes you can see your future together. Love isn't something that can be explained. You have to feel it.
This was all about emotions, though I'm sure you can add them to a physical perspective of a relationship. There is a physical side of a relationship, but I'm not going to really touch that. All I can say is do what you think is right and what you're comfortable with. Don't let anyone push you into doing something that you aren't ready for (they just want some action, that isn't love - if they loved you, they'd wait).
I hope this will all help you in the future, or at least make you think about what you have and/or what you want.
Okay, here we go, second post.
This week I will be talking about relationships and what I find to be wrong with them, and what is right - of course this is all just my opinion.
Let me start out by saying: I have never been in a relationship. That's right, in my 20 years of life I have never had a boyfriend. But as far as my opinions go, I find them to be pretty accurate. How? Well, I "study" other people's relationships.
So you tell me how accurate I am.
First, do NOT lie to your partner. I don't care if you're a chick or dude, do not lie. That's worse than being brutally honest... and being that honest can be pretty hard- go figure. It's easier to tell the truth than keep up with all of those lies. Besides, lying is exhausting, and a deal breaker when it comes to relationships. One thing that most people (I would assume all people, but I might be proven wrong) look for in relationships is honesty. So lying: a no-no. The smallest lie isn't a big deal -don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to go and lie about the little things- but it might turn into telling lies about the bigger things later on. I understand nobody is perfect, believe me, I do, and people do make mistakes, but if you're seriously debating with yourself whether to tell your partner the truth about something, do it. Now earlier I mentioned being brutally honest is better than lying. It is, really, but it's still a turn off. You're in a relationship as equals. You don't need to be condescending to your partner. It's rude and disrespectful. You're there to be with them, not to be their mother/father.
Trust! That's a big deal. Like... humongous. I watch all of these reality shows like "The Jeremy Kyle Show" and "Steve Wilkos" and you see all of these guests who are all, "they cheated on me, I know they did". Okay, on shows like that, 10 to 1, yeah they probably cheated on you. But in real life (aka, away from the cameras), you never know. If you have that fear that they're cheating on you, confront them about it (this goes back to the lying thing). Remember though, just because you're accusing them doesn't mean they actually cheated on you. If you have concrete evidence, look into it, don't get all up in their face about it though. If you're just insecure, talk to your partner about it. They're there to listen to you; that's a part of being in a relationship. If your partner comes to you with a concern, don't just brush them off and call them insecure. Listen to them, because if you don't, someone else will and you'll lose all that respect. No matter how "lame" you might think it is. It'll help strengthen your bond. Anyway, trust isn't just about cheating and not cheating, there are things like keeping secrets and watching each other's back, etc. Of course, when I hear trust, my mind jumps to cheating- obviously.
Communication is ESSENTIAL in a relationship. I said above that you need to listen to your partner. Even the smallest issues can make or break a relationship. Things can be misunderstood and blown way out of proportions. Of course, when that happens you know you're going to be screwed for awhile. Stay with it! Guys, girls (most, not all) want you to grovel and beg for forgiveness for whatever it was that upset them. Don't. Plain and simple. You aren't there to baby them. Again, talk it out. You're both adults, act like it. From what I've seen, guys either give their girls the silent treatment when the girls have done something to upset them or they go crazy with rage. Violence (words or otherwise) doesn't solve violence. Girls, calm them down, but also give them their space. They're like a wounded animal. Don't get too close or else they'll bite, but don't just leave them alone. I know some issues can't be resolved and if that's the case, please, move on. You'll only be making yourself and your partner suffer if you stick with a relationship that isn't working.
Note: Do NOT ever put your hands on your partner. Guys aren't supposed to hit girls, but just the same, we're equal genders. Girls have no business putting their hands on guys. Communication isn't about getting physical to prove a point.
Relationships are far from perfect and I know that it takes a lot to make one work, but if it's worth it, you want to stick with it right? Fights happen, I get that. Even petty fights. You sit there reading this and look back on stupid fights that didn't mean anything. Some of you will feel guilty (maybe) because it's what ended a relationship and some of you will laugh because you realize how stupid it really was but you and your partner made it through! Yay! When I say stupid, I mean how you and your partner overreacted, I'm not saying the one who started the fight is stupid. I think fights, not huge blowups, are healthy for a relationship. You know when you're really pissed off you don't hold back on how you feel? It's easier to get feelings out that way, but then after you're both calmed, talk it out. Yes, back to that. There's no point in staying mad at each other. Seriously.
I'm going to make a little note here. When I brought up cheating, I didn't want to preach to you any more than I had. Not that I'm trying to preach, I'm just trying to give you an outsider's outlook. Anyway, Guys and girls: stay faithful. Nobody wants a player. That's disrespectful to your partner and you might think it's cool at the time, but when you get dumped, it won't be so cool anymore. Nobody wants to be cheated on. That's like saying, "hey you aren't good enough, let me go find someone else to have on the sidelines". No, not cool. At all.
Ahh, here we go. Being supportive of your partner. This seems to be a big issue for some as well. You might not like your partner's decision, one that could affect your lives or your relationship, but you need to support them. It goes back to trust. Trust that they'll make the decision that's best for both of you, as a couple. If they don't... well, it wasn't meant to be then, but give it a try. Just because you're going one direction doesn't mean your partner is, but even going opposite directions you can still be together. It takes work. All relationships do.
I'm just scratching the surface of what a relationship is, but I hope its an eye-opener for some of you (Another note: Once thinking about it, this isn't just for relationships, this can be with anyone you're with. Friends, family, etc.).
The last one. Love. You shouldn't be in a relationship for convenience. You need to love your partner (or if you're just starting out or haven't gotten to love yet, like them, as more than a friend). Love is looking passed all of your partner's flaws and forgiving them when they mess up (not anything big like continuous cheating, you deserve more respect than that). Love is about looking passed the surface and looking into their hearts. It's knowing that they're the one and that when you look into their eyes you can see your future together. Love isn't something that can be explained. You have to feel it.
This was all about emotions, though I'm sure you can add them to a physical perspective of a relationship. There is a physical side of a relationship, but I'm not going to really touch that. All I can say is do what you think is right and what you're comfortable with. Don't let anyone push you into doing something that you aren't ready for (they just want some action, that isn't love - if they loved you, they'd wait).
I hope this will all help you in the future, or at least make you think about what you have and/or what you want.
Too High of Expectations/Standards
I originally posted this on January 23, 2012 on my new blog. But I have too many emails, so I'm just going to start posting here again. Anyway, here's the blog.
First blog! Here we go.
I love reading. I love it. There's no doubt about it. I could read all day, every day. My favorite (and pretty much only genre) is romance. I love seeing that at the end of a novel, the guy gets the girl/the girl gets the guy. I do have a problem with the actual books. I do. It's horrible, I know. My problem? The guys.
Why?
Because, they're just too perfect. No matter how realistic authors make them, you can't find someone like that. I'll throw some examples in here, just so you see where I'm coming from.
Candace Havens: All of her men are perfect. Not perfect in the sense that they don't have flaws, because they do. A lot of flaws. When I say perfect, I mean that she makes them my ideal type. Yes, a guy in a book is my type. Sigh. Anyway, that makes it hard for me, as an actual person, to get a boyfriend. Again, why? Because my standards are too high. Where in the world am I going to find someone like her character Will Hughes? A captain in United States Marines-- gone model. Yum.
The answer? I can't find him anywhere. He's yummy, perfect, and he doesn't exist. I'm not saying he's perfect because he's in the Marines or even because he's delicious. I'm just saying his personality, which would take too long to explain, is just perfect. Don't get me wrong, deliciousness and in the military is a huge bonus. Yes, I said huge. In simple terms, he hot (a given), he can take orders, not conceited, he's kind, caring, gets his job done, but doesn't let people walk all over him. It's perfect... but too high of standard for real guys. Note: If you're a guy who's this perfect: I need to meet you. Prove me wrong. I'm begging you.
Another person- Sherrilyn Kenyon.
I admit her Dark-Hunters aren't really realistic. I mean, they're dead. But again, they're personalities are so realistic. They lose their temper, just like every other human being, but they own up to it. They have their flaws, like a real person does, but they (and their significant other) fight through it, together.
Guys in the real world, don't do that. No guy I've met anyway. They keep it all bottled up, telling girls (or guys) that it's none of their business and they can handle it by themselves. Personally, that irritates me.
Girls (and guys) do realize that there are things that they can't understand, and there are horror stories that people aren't comfortable sharing. I'll use the military and active duty as an example. They go over there, they kill people. Some people can deserve it, and others are casualties. That's just like SK's "League" series. It's like our military (maybe like isn't the right word, but it's the only one I have at the moment) but... otherworldly. The guys in the books, and even the girls, keep their feelings and pasts to themselves, but in the end, they open to each other and become a better person. No need to suffer alone and all that jazz.
Of course it takes a strong person to bare that weight with that other person, but I think everyone has that strength in them, but they just need to find it.
Don't go dishing your dirt to the first person who will listen. Obviously there needs to be some bond there, but don't keep them at arms length all the time.
Historical Romance:
Alexandra Hawkins, Kinley MacGregor (Sherrilyn Kenyon) and others:
Here's the fun part.
They can literally be knights in shining armor. Way back when, when there were assassins, kings, noblemen and all that... everyone had a past. Some nobody really cared about and others... they were so mysterious people couldn't help but wonder. I certainly wondered as I read the novels. They had bad boys back then too, but not to the extent of which people are today, which can be a real turn off.. People nowadays try to hard, but that's my opinion. The relevance with historical novels? I like them. That's the relevance. Aside from that, you have a modern woman writing historical romance. There has to be some generation/cultural ties in there somewhere.
Back to standards of "real" guys and a novel's main guy...
In one of Candy's (Candace Havens) series, she has a character who can see dead people. This is, I think, realistic. I do believe people can see things that others can't... and it doesn't make them crazy. There are things out there that can't be explained. The character, of course, was a girl... and the guy she ended up with was totally cool with her ability,maybe not at first, but my point is that he didn't abandon her, something that is getting less common now. One sign of trouble and either the guy or girl can hit the road. People just don't try anymore... Anyhoo, He was mellow, of course not all the time, but I couldn't pick out many flaws with his character that I haven't mentioned before, which I'm cool with that.
I've never seen/ read about a main character that is so conceited that I can't stand them. Watch, now I'm going to read something and I'm going to hate the main character. He's gonna be a complete... well, you know what I mean.
Oh! And real guys that are super bossy. Not attractive. I was bossed around by my parents, I don't need another one once I'm out of the house. Make decisions with me, not for me. I've never seen a character be completely bossy because he can be. It's always for the greater good of something... and not his ego.
These were all "adult" romance.
Now for a quick little trip to teen world.
They're all kind of the same, but not really.
Rosemary! If you haven't read it, her Maggie Quinn vs Evil books are genius. Read them.
Anyway, her main male character, Justin, is a very calm, down to Earth guy - except he believes in the supernatural. Which is fine, because some guys do. He does what he can to help Maggie. He tries to keep her safe without being overbearing. He does have a blowup moment... it's not big, but it shows he's human. I definitely don't know any guy who can hold his temper like that. Not to say they don't exist, because I'm sure they do.
Obviously, guys need to show emotion and not be this dead thing who doesn't react to anything, but guys do have real PMS moments, and that's not cool. Girls do, but I think we have a little more reason than guys do. Of course, guys do have the right to be mad at things, I'm not saying that they don't.
Anyway, I'm kind of running off topic.
With all of my examples, I think I've made my point pretty clear.
Guys in novels are perfect, with their personalities, their looks, the way the react to things... it's realistic, but it's not like any guy I know... which sucks.
It's like... they're humble. Don't get me wrong, real guys can be humble, I'm not saying they can't.
I just think that fictional characters that could be real somewhere in the world, make me have too high of standards/expectations when it comes to guys.
I know I've been saying this as if girls don't have flaws themselves, which they do. Just like guys, they have a lot of them. This is about how I feel and how it mixes in with my personality. I can't write for every girl out there because, honestly, that would take weeks... and some girls (no offense) are just ridiculous when it comes to what they want from guys. They're totally over the top.
I've repeated myself and kind of gone off topic at some points, but I feel I've gotten my point across for everyone with my gazillion examples.
So tell me what you think.
Do you agree?
First blog! Here we go.
I love reading. I love it. There's no doubt about it. I could read all day, every day. My favorite (and pretty much only genre) is romance. I love seeing that at the end of a novel, the guy gets the girl/the girl gets the guy. I do have a problem with the actual books. I do. It's horrible, I know. My problem? The guys.
Why?
Because, they're just too perfect. No matter how realistic authors make them, you can't find someone like that. I'll throw some examples in here, just so you see where I'm coming from.
Candace Havens: All of her men are perfect. Not perfect in the sense that they don't have flaws, because they do. A lot of flaws. When I say perfect, I mean that she makes them my ideal type. Yes, a guy in a book is my type. Sigh. Anyway, that makes it hard for me, as an actual person, to get a boyfriend. Again, why? Because my standards are too high. Where in the world am I going to find someone like her character Will Hughes? A captain in United States Marines-- gone model. Yum.
The answer? I can't find him anywhere. He's yummy, perfect, and he doesn't exist. I'm not saying he's perfect because he's in the Marines or even because he's delicious. I'm just saying his personality, which would take too long to explain, is just perfect. Don't get me wrong, deliciousness and in the military is a huge bonus. Yes, I said huge. In simple terms, he hot (a given), he can take orders, not conceited, he's kind, caring, gets his job done, but doesn't let people walk all over him. It's perfect... but too high of standard for real guys. Note: If you're a guy who's this perfect: I need to meet you. Prove me wrong. I'm begging you.
Another person- Sherrilyn Kenyon.
I admit her Dark-Hunters aren't really realistic. I mean, they're dead. But again, they're personalities are so realistic. They lose their temper, just like every other human being, but they own up to it. They have their flaws, like a real person does, but they (and their significant other) fight through it, together.
Guys in the real world, don't do that. No guy I've met anyway. They keep it all bottled up, telling girls (or guys) that it's none of their business and they can handle it by themselves. Personally, that irritates me.
Girls (and guys) do realize that there are things that they can't understand, and there are horror stories that people aren't comfortable sharing. I'll use the military and active duty as an example. They go over there, they kill people. Some people can deserve it, and others are casualties. That's just like SK's "League" series. It's like our military (maybe like isn't the right word, but it's the only one I have at the moment) but... otherworldly. The guys in the books, and even the girls, keep their feelings and pasts to themselves, but in the end, they open to each other and become a better person. No need to suffer alone and all that jazz.
Of course it takes a strong person to bare that weight with that other person, but I think everyone has that strength in them, but they just need to find it.
Don't go dishing your dirt to the first person who will listen. Obviously there needs to be some bond there, but don't keep them at arms length all the time.
Historical Romance:
Alexandra Hawkins, Kinley MacGregor (Sherrilyn Kenyon) and others:
Here's the fun part.
They can literally be knights in shining armor. Way back when, when there were assassins, kings, noblemen and all that... everyone had a past. Some nobody really cared about and others... they were so mysterious people couldn't help but wonder. I certainly wondered as I read the novels. They had bad boys back then too, but not to the extent of which people are today, which can be a real turn off.. People nowadays try to hard, but that's my opinion. The relevance with historical novels? I like them. That's the relevance. Aside from that, you have a modern woman writing historical romance. There has to be some generation/cultural ties in there somewhere.
Back to standards of "real" guys and a novel's main guy...
In one of Candy's (Candace Havens) series, she has a character who can see dead people. This is, I think, realistic. I do believe people can see things that others can't... and it doesn't make them crazy. There are things out there that can't be explained. The character, of course, was a girl... and the guy she ended up with was totally cool with her ability,maybe not at first, but my point is that he didn't abandon her, something that is getting less common now. One sign of trouble and either the guy or girl can hit the road. People just don't try anymore... Anyhoo, He was mellow, of course not all the time, but I couldn't pick out many flaws with his character that I haven't mentioned before, which I'm cool with that.
I've never seen/ read about a main character that is so conceited that I can't stand them. Watch, now I'm going to read something and I'm going to hate the main character. He's gonna be a complete... well, you know what I mean.
Oh! And real guys that are super bossy. Not attractive. I was bossed around by my parents, I don't need another one once I'm out of the house. Make decisions with me, not for me. I've never seen a character be completely bossy because he can be. It's always for the greater good of something... and not his ego.
These were all "adult" romance.
Now for a quick little trip to teen world.
They're all kind of the same, but not really.
Rosemary! If you haven't read it, her Maggie Quinn vs Evil books are genius. Read them.
Anyway, her main male character, Justin, is a very calm, down to Earth guy - except he believes in the supernatural. Which is fine, because some guys do. He does what he can to help Maggie. He tries to keep her safe without being overbearing. He does have a blowup moment... it's not big, but it shows he's human. I definitely don't know any guy who can hold his temper like that. Not to say they don't exist, because I'm sure they do.
Obviously, guys need to show emotion and not be this dead thing who doesn't react to anything, but guys do have real PMS moments, and that's not cool. Girls do, but I think we have a little more reason than guys do. Of course, guys do have the right to be mad at things, I'm not saying that they don't.
Anyway, I'm kind of running off topic.
With all of my examples, I think I've made my point pretty clear.
Guys in novels are perfect, with their personalities, their looks, the way the react to things... it's realistic, but it's not like any guy I know... which sucks.
It's like... they're humble. Don't get me wrong, real guys can be humble, I'm not saying they can't.
I just think that fictional characters that could be real somewhere in the world, make me have too high of standards/expectations when it comes to guys.
I know I've been saying this as if girls don't have flaws themselves, which they do. Just like guys, they have a lot of them. This is about how I feel and how it mixes in with my personality. I can't write for every girl out there because, honestly, that would take weeks... and some girls (no offense) are just ridiculous when it comes to what they want from guys. They're totally over the top.
I've repeated myself and kind of gone off topic at some points, but I feel I've gotten my point across for everyone with my gazillion examples.
So tell me what you think.
Do you agree?
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